So I caught myself whistling the… tune?… to this track the other day. And after four cold showers and a vat of ipecac, I passed out and woke up much more relaxed. So here I sit mortified and guilty, bashfully crouched on my office chair in the dark and finding it extremely difficult to look at my laptop screen as if it’s Chris Hansen and I just got caught driving 45 miles out to the Rancho Cucamonga suburbs with a plastic handle of tequila and some Bratz doll party favors.

I like the “To Catch a Predator” image here, not because my laptop also has some of my more incriminating chat transcripts (though it’s gotta have some dirt), but because I’m pretty sure the only people who listen to Skrillex are underage girls. Maybe this decade’s version of her. Beyond Skrillex’s auditory statutory rape, the song’s titular nod to David Bowie’s Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps) ruins me on a second level. Do I give the guy props for referencing the greatest artist of the 20th century or scold him for debasing David fucking Bowie? Either way, I can’t live in a world with search box suggestions that look like this:


So then I relistened to the song and, yeah, it’s still terrible. I played it a few times actually. And every time I either “unconsciously” left the Youtube page. Or got up to get a snack. Or got up and stood in the other room, never exactly sure why I left my office in the first place. But I think I know why. Skrillex’s dubstep is standardized, compressed, and brickwalled beyond all appreciation, traits you could never extricably use to characterize real dubstep. I guess this really isn’t so much a flip/flop as it is reassurance. I’ll leave you with “Ashes to Ashes” off David Bowie’s Scary Monsters (and Super Creeps) instead.

TL;DR: Skrillex still sucks, David Bowie is still God.

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